you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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