Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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