how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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