he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize