he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
