You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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