She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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