i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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