I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
