She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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