My vagina just recognized that song.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
