I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
