found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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