She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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