Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
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Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
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I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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