im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i've created a new STD.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
