Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.