My sheets look like a crime scene.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
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i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
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He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.