so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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