You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
