i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
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Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
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Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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