WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
are you so shy because you have an std?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
