Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
