I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
