he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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