Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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