Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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