Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
