Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
