That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
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