i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
