shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
