i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I looked at my own cervix.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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