Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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