Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
from now on my penis is your penis
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
