Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
