Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
