Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
