he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
