I hope mine doesn't look like that
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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