So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
