Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
