So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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