i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You're a waste of cheezeits
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
