Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
