Don't make out with my wife yet
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
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