just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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