Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
