"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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