i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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