YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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