My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
