Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
