What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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