i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
