I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
