i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
How did I end up in the pool?!
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When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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