If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
