A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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