I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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