I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
